I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
