There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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