But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
