RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
