Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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