I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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