That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
