Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
