Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
