how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
