someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
