this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
