kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
