I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
