Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
