I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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