I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
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