In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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