Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
