i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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