can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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