can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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