So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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