we have pet lesbian snakes
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize