Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
