he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize