He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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