I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sorry about my life...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
