Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize