Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
