i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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