I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
