we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
