Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
