you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
