I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
