for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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