Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
