yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
