So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
