if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
