so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
