Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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