he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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