I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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