Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
