one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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