so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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