either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize