Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
