i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
