so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
