At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
