Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
