This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize