my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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