Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
