I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
