you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
