Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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