K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
