Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
