she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
