So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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