You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
