do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I got inside last night via doggy door
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
